Yes, I heard the news about Tesla: here’s what I really want to say

Tesla Supercharger congestion in Fountain Valley, CA

Talking about the Tesla is one of my favorite hobbies. I love to educate or give my opinion on it, whether it’s online, in a parking lot, or all day long at a car show. Inevitably once people know you’re linked with Tesla through ownership or enthusiasm, some folks will come to you with innocently incorrect assumptions or downright annoying selective negative news.

I didn’t know you had one of those “Telsas”. Who makes that “Telsa”?

  • Answer: It’s Tes-La. Like the inventor. That is the name of the brand.
  • What I want to say: It’s a notable and American-made car! How do you still not know what it is?


Did you hear that one of your cars killed someone?

  • Answer: Yes, I did hear that unfortunately someone died in an accident while the autopilot feature was engaged. That was the first death in 130 million miles. I think I read that in the US one death occurs per 94 million miles and worldwide, it’s something like every 60. So we’re doing pretty well!
  • What I want to say: No, a crash killed someone; as it did with the other hundred or so people who died in a car accident that day that the news isn’t talking about.


Did you hear about the new cheaper Tesla?

  • Answer: Sure did! Actually, I got to go to the launch party in LA and have a reservation for one.
  • What I want to say: Did you hear the sky is blue? I literally have a countdown on my phone of how many more times I have to bring this wretched gas car to the gas station before my Model 3 arrives.


I saw a Tesla on the side of the road. He ran out of charge. 

  • Answer: That’s unusual. It’s pretty hard to run out of charge. (Shrug.)
  • What I want to say: That driver was probably either an idiot or knowingly playing with fire. Have you ever run out of gas? I sure haven’t. And that big, bright display showing how many miles you have left? That’s something you should probably look at once in a while.


Did you hear that a Model X rolled over on the PA Turnpike? I thought these cars were supposed to be safe.

  • Answer: I did. No injuries were reported, so that’s good news.
  • What I want to say: Safety literally means the probability of injury in an accident, not the inability to be in one. What was the driver doing anyway? It’s pretty hard to roll over a car with a big, heavy battery pack in the floor. By the way, did you hear about Jeff in Accounting? He rolled his SUV a few months ago and nobody even talked about it. (Thankfully, no injuries resulted.)


I heard those batteries can catch on fire.

  • Answer: Technically yes, but they’re far less likely than gas cars to do.
  • What I want to say: Use your head. It’s that lump 3 feet above your ass!


Did you hear…. (insert any Tesla news here)?

  • Answer: Yes I did. (Insert correct facts to supplement their sparse comments.)
  • What I want to say: I’m a giant nerd who follows all things Tesla more closely than I follow any other news topic. I even publish my thoughts about the car that my fellow nerds sometimes read.


Feature photo of the Fountain Valley, CA Supercharger courtesy of Dennis Pascual 

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